As I continue to repeat myself, I am not well versed in the ways of romance and what not. A few years ago, I did claim to have "fixed relationshipping for guys" with no female edition to counter it because, let's face it, I haven't even fixed it for myself yet.
I think I have only been on one legit dating experience, in which it was deemed a date because we used a coupon that said the SUPER DATE DEAL. Apparently I take my direction from crafty advertisement. Besides that, it was a good date, I mean, there was ICE CREAM for cryin' out loud!
For all my inexperience in relationship-ness, I do tend to fall ass-backwards into situations where at least one party thinks there is romantic potential. And to much surprise, that person is only sometimes me.
Here is a collection of instances when someone was under the impression that I was emotionally mature enough to sustain a short to medium term relationship, followed by an unbiased analysis.
* As I wrote this I realized that its length exceeded even my own period of interest, so I broke it into parts. YAY PARTS!!*
Situation 1: I don't want a relationship
On more than one occasion, I found myself enjoying the company of someone who was at least an 8 (OMG), AND they could somewhat tolerate my ramblings (that's the dream afterall). We get along well enough: have the occasional deep conversation, give each other the odd compliment in which neither can accept, I'll even laugh when he farts. We also don't over indulge on hanging out together, random phone calls and text are limited, and this chick always pays for her own food (because I'm an independent woman, who racked up most of the bill.)
Everything is going well, everyone is happy and not pinned down to anything. Perfect.
Then, somehow, one party feels compelled to mention that they don't want a relationship
This of course is a blanket statement for things like "I don't want to make regular time for you" or, "You are a temporary band-aid on my currently broken heart and bruised ego from a previous dealio" and my personal favorite, "I don't like you but I'll kiss you and such when provoked by alcohol." All of these are perfectly justifiable reasons to not get emotionally involved with another individual and it shows some level of maturity to actually say that to someone.
So much so that when someone says that general phrase, I am relieved to know where we stand thus I can act accordingly - a reasonable human being that knows how to respect another person's wishes and boundaries. Mainly because I often feel the same way, as the following conversation will express:
I guess we were on the same page but the book was written in different languages. Or maybe I started to speak Parseltounge and didn't realize it. CURSE YOU, GIFTS OF SYTHERIN!
Why he was wrong: This situation is special because it is one of the few that has occurred more than once so I can't pinpoint specific wrongness. In general, I would say that guys just assume all girls want a [insert famous Romcom hollywood starlet here] type life and he is the love interest. Get over yourself, I just like looking at your face. Your silent, non-speaking face.
Why I was right: Listen, I'm not completely heartless. I just know that if I let someone into the Pandora's box that is my upper-middle class dramatic life, they would get caught in an undertow of what seems like 24/7 PMS. Even I can't handle it. And I keep this fact to myself to seem like a normal functioning person. I'm doing you a favor so shut your mouth and listen to me - I'M NOT READY.
Final Dating Status: Dwindling friendship at best, mortal enemies at worst.
HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
Take a moment to boost my self-esteem with a quick FB like or StumbleUpon thumbs up or whatever they do. You could even leave a post telling me about my spelling errors! I just like reading things :) thanks.
I think I have only been on one legit dating experience, in which it was deemed a date because we used a coupon that said the SUPER DATE DEAL. Apparently I take my direction from crafty advertisement. Besides that, it was a good date, I mean, there was ICE CREAM for cryin' out loud!
For all my inexperience in relationship-ness, I do tend to fall ass-backwards into situations where at least one party thinks there is romantic potential. And to much surprise, that person is only sometimes me.
Here is a collection of instances when someone was under the impression that I was emotionally mature enough to sustain a short to medium term relationship, followed by an unbiased analysis.
* As I wrote this I realized that its length exceeded even my own period of interest, so I broke it into parts. YAY PARTS!!*
Situation 1: I don't want a relationship
On more than one occasion, I found myself enjoying the company of someone who was at least an 8 (OMG), AND they could somewhat tolerate my ramblings (that's the dream afterall). We get along well enough: have the occasional deep conversation, give each other the odd compliment in which neither can accept, I'll even laugh when he farts. We also don't over indulge on hanging out together, random phone calls and text are limited, and this chick always pays for her own food (because I'm an independent woman, who racked up most of the bill.)
Everything is going well, everyone is happy and not pinned down to anything. Perfect.
Then, somehow, one party feels compelled to mention that they don't want a relationship
This of course is a blanket statement for things like "I don't want to make regular time for you" or, "You are a temporary band-aid on my currently broken heart and bruised ego from a previous dealio" and my personal favorite, "I don't like you but I'll kiss you and such when provoked by alcohol." All of these are perfectly justifiable reasons to not get emotionally involved with another individual and it shows some level of maturity to actually say that to someone.
So much so that when someone says that general phrase, I am relieved to know where we stand thus I can act accordingly - a reasonable human being that knows how to respect another person's wishes and boundaries. Mainly because I often feel the same way, as the following conversation will express:
Dude: I'm not ready for a relationshipBut when I calmly and maturely say the same phrase to guys, it goes like:
Me: Great, me neither! I can barely commit to a month-by-month magazine subscription!
Me: I'm not ready for a relationshipThis reaction is valid if only preceded by, "Hey Sweetie-poo-butt, so I just got off the phone with your mom and she says that you sunburn easily so we MUST have a fall wedding if we want an outdoor venue. Oh, and do you like the name "Charleston" or "lil' Swiggi" for our prospective third son? I know how you feel about out of date dance crazes, but I've always wanted a child with an exotic name. Honeyfart, why did you just spontaneously combust? Is everything okay?"
Dude: GET OFF MY BACK WOMAN! I told you I'm not ready for this! I have a life, and I gotsta get my bro-time on. I NEED MY BRO-TIME!!!!
I guess we were on the same page but the book was written in different languages. Or maybe I started to speak Parseltounge and didn't realize it. CURSE YOU, GIFTS OF SYTHERIN!
Why he was wrong: This situation is special because it is one of the few that has occurred more than once so I can't pinpoint specific wrongness. In general, I would say that guys just assume all girls want a [insert famous Romcom hollywood starlet here] type life and he is the love interest. Get over yourself, I just like looking at your face. Your silent, non-speaking face.
Why I was right: Listen, I'm not completely heartless. I just know that if I let someone into the Pandora's box that is my upper-middle class dramatic life, they would get caught in an undertow of what seems like 24/7 PMS. Even I can't handle it. And I keep this fact to myself to seem like a normal functioning person. I'm doing you a favor so shut your mouth and listen to me - I'M NOT READY.
Final Dating Status: Dwindling friendship at best, mortal enemies at worst.
HERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
Take a moment to boost my self-esteem with a quick FB like or StumbleUpon thumbs up or whatever they do. You could even leave a post telling me about my spelling errors! I just like reading things :) thanks.
As a strong independent black women I completely agree with paying for your own meal! I mean hellur I got more money then the both of us combined. and you go gurl! I love your writings and you keep doing what you want when you want it!
ReplyDeleteLet me add some advice - Never play by his rules you make him play by yours and youll win that backgammon.
I never actually thought people used that saying, but hey totes not judging. Hey Brie your awesome , keep doing what you do. I love ya!
ReplyDelete