Awkwardness Decoded...with Codes

Oh my gosh looks who's back! Again again. I like to keep everyone clamoring for more posts so they don't get bored but I will admit a 4 month or so sabbatical is a bit much.

Anyways I have good news! My life is in shambles again so you have something worthwhile to read. Nothing too bad this time but it is in fact my personal response to reverse culture shock and a lack of social ability. Let me explain.

After being in a country where I wasn't allowed to voice my opinion or even show my ankles if men were around I have adopted a new lifestyle known to me and others who listen to my drunken ramblings as the corner dust syndrome.

The way I see it there are 125 types of people in this world but only 2 types worth mentioning for this demonstration. The first is similar to the social butterfly but in my chopped and screwed language it can be referred to as the light bulb.

The light bulb has the ability to brighten any room by turning their personality and charisma on and off at any given moment. Their sheer confidence alone can turn any "event" into a "shindig" in seconds.

These people go on to be successful members of society like the cool starbucks barista or the hobo who talks to himself. They may not be successful in the traditional financial sense but they are truly rich in friendship and maybe even a little debt. Either way they are a measurable strand in the fabric of community.

These are the type of people I idolize because they are able to express their thoughts and interact with others and maybe even have relationships. Sounds like a fulfilling  well rounded functional life.

This isn’t to say the life of a corner dust isn't fulfilling but - let me explain myself first.

In contrast to the light bulb the corner dust is just some pathetic speck of a thing that lingers in those ever luminous parties hosted by the light bulb. Sure they have friends but they were probably acquired on some default bylaw of a social organization that the corner dust accidentally signed up for. Now it must resort to poorly decorating the background whilst its peers "shoot the breeze" and commit "small talk" - the ever elusive realms of communication that the corner dust has yet to grasp.

Don’t get me wrong the corner dust still has a lot to offer - maybe even more than the light bulb at times because I never said they were the brightest intellectually. I mean, look in your respective room right this instant and see if you have any corner dust. Is this the first time you've noticed it? Why? Because there is no point in acknowledging its existence because it doesn't seem to want or need to be in your life. You probably won’t benefit from it.

But a closer look at that room debris will reveal treasures. Like a shiny dime, a somehow not stale cheeto, or a strand of hair from that guy/girl that you used to play Xbox with and had a crush on. You know, real gems.

Had I not instructed you to venture to that discrete space, how would you have never been able to afford 1/10 of a ticket at the dollar cinema or enhanced your awkward shrine of someone you knew a few years back?

You’re welcome.

But the point of this exercise is to show that corner dust does not have the ability to express itself because it has come to the realization that it is meant to be ignored. It would speak up if it had a voice of its own but it has somehow been suffocated with loose wool fabric from your favorite winter blanket. (I'm sure I lost the analogy here somewhere but bare with me.)

Corner dust isn't a jerk for keeping these nuggets of gold from you or the rest of the world it just figured you didn't want them.

So for a few tips of recognizing people with these characteristics always look for those who plant themselves along the wall of gatherings of more than 3 people sometimes even literally in the corner just staring into the abyss hoping that someone will ask their opinion on whatever topic they are probably eavesdropping on.

Or perhaps ask them where they bought their fashionable new blouse or even what's up because most likely they have been rehearsing this conversation in their head for weeks and are just dying to shout their opinion about something. Just engage these pathetic wallflowers and you might find they have something beautiful hidden inside.

I should know - I've been there.


And consider this an informal public apology to those I've snubbed while trying to get a handle on my personal shortcomings. I'm new here remember?