I Can Fix That: Chips and Salsa

Chips and salsa. Might as well be called crispy delicious and liquid delicious. Why wouldn't you want your taste buds to marinate in the angelic flavors of the traditional Mexican appetizer and sports food staple?

Because it is embarrassing. There are too many variables going into the task of successfully preparing, serving, and eating CAS (chips and salsa - try and keep up).

Luckily I have recently made every wrong move when it comes to this particular eating experience only to acquire the knowledge of proper etiquette so I can pass it on to you, stranger.


Preparation:

The best thing to do in these first steps is to keep calm. I understand that this is hard to do, especially when there is so much to look forward to in the near future. Before you get the ingredients out, you need to prepare the necessary vessels that will hold the precious food things.

It’s best to use a bowl for the salsa and a plate for the chips – that is if you are at a fancy dinner party and plan on eating this meal with a fork and knife. You eat those chips right out the bag like a caveman would have had he had the chance to taste greatness.



Get over yourself

In Mourning in the Morning

It's currently 2:35 at morning and I am thoroughly depressed. Not because my life is filled with the woes of never sustaining a successful relationship with a male human. Not because my dreams are slowly drifting away from my ambitious grasp as tragically as Mufasa slipped away from Simba. It's because I can no longer drink milk.




WHAT!?!




Sure, your first reaction is, "Why Brie, why don't you just pop a couple of help-me-eat-lactose pills and stop bothering me about your problems?" I have tried this method. Because like you, arrogant stranger, I thought that I was lactose intolerant. This was when I was young and naive.

Letters to Life: Food

Dear Cheese,

I have a confession to make. I’ve been living a lie. I once thought that I loved you. I told everyone about how great you were in and on any meal type I had planned thoughout the day.


My heart would skip a beat when I would read on a menu that you were going to make an appeance on my plate, be it in a pile of shredded wonderment or seemlessly hiding in the main course like a ninja.


But I’m not the only one to blame for this love lost. I have only seen one side of you for the past 19 years - until now.


Sure there have been times as a child when I would step away from my normal daily intake of a block of mild cheddar and journey to the realm of string cheesery. But It always let me down. You let me down. And yet I would try again.

Everything is Stupid...

...That is, until you are the one to try something. Becasue let's be honest, you are the coolest person you know. You shoot awesome right out of your nostrils and leave a path of envious followers where ever you go.

So naturally you have combed the world of all that it has to offer and aquired a liking for only the latest and greatest, sometimes even the oldest and.....boldest? Anyway, you get the picture, because you are IT!

With all this power of dubbing something cool, why waste it on things that you haven't tried yet? Those things are all stupid aren't they?

What if some random joe off the street came up to you and said, "have you tried shark slamming yet? It's this great new thing where...." but by then you are already not interested be cause it is something that a) the pinnical of awesome, you, had not even heard of and b) quite frankly it sounds stupid.