Finally! the Summer Edition (Brought to you in August)

I know I know, It's been a while. Just put the toaster down and get out of the bathtub, your reason for living is back.

As a side note I also have produced a new website thingy that is slightly more philosophical and possibly less entertaining but I'll do my best. And I cannot guarantee that there won't be any spelling errors so forgive me and my 3rd grade understanding of basic spelling once again. Now back to business.

This post was supPOST (pun) to be up about 3 months ago so pretend that its the first day of summer and not the first day of school for some of you. Enjoy.

I Can Fix That: Relationshiping for Guys

Once again recent events in my life have prompted me into thinking the rest of the world, or at least the 6 people who read this, have similar encounters in their lives. After years of ass-backward relationship type situations with the opposite gender, I have compiled my most troublesome moments along with remedies in case you should find yourself in the same situation. And this advice is going to be pretty legit because I recently read like 12 seventeen magazine articles and they TOTALLY know all about guys – and dramarama!!

Courting a Young Lass

Here you are on a simple Tuesday afternoon, looking over your Biology notes before class even starts, just to make sure you retain your perfect 4.0 average in the class, when you look up at the clock to make sure you have enough time to memorize Meiosis when you catch something from the corner of your eye. The most beautiful earth inhabitant has entered the room, and is in your class! From the moment she clumsily stumbled into the classroom with arms fully occupied with textbooks and novels about angsty teenage witches and wizards, you knew your heart would never be the same. And just as the gods would have it, her seat is directly across from yours! Tis a good day indeed.

But do you even deserve this specimen of perfection?   If you ever hope to one day procreate with something as magnificent as this new found love, you will need to get to know her on an intellectual, social, and personal level. This can be done through healthy reoccurring conversation over a period of time until a friendship develops and there is a comfortable aura when the two of you interact.

Ouch! My Dignity!

Before we get into the giggles, I would like for who are well practiced in the English language and have a keyboard to consider leaving a comment. Seeing as though 85% of my self-esteem is derived from the approval of others, the boost would be much needed. :)

With that being said, here is a story about how I lost a piece of my dignity hours ago!

As some of you may know, my current residence is in the great cornstate. And as of late, the weather has been very fickle. For the past few days, the weather has gone from about -10 degrees to 40 degrees but to put it in more relatable terms, "all humans should stay indoors until this mini-ice age is over" to "all hale the glorious sun! Praise the rays that demolish the evil ice dust!!" 

Being the crazy person that I am, I typically enjoy when the freeze mister comes to town. Except for today.

I had been cooped up in classes or the library all day and because I have some sense about myself, I didn’t waste time in the morning by waiting until 8:58am to see if it was cold outside or not. I face the day without a preface, just like any champion would.

(Picture here later. maybe)

So when I went outside for the first time, I was filled with child-like joy to find that it was snowing. I am still new to this phenomenon that beautiful crystals elegantly float from the above abyss and place themselves on the earth, thus coating it with a thin layer of joy. The amount  of beauty that the campus gains from this natural occurrence is indescribable. While trying to fight back tears of joy, I made my way over to my next place of business, but embarrassment would soon stop me in my tracks.

Because I did not take the time to check the forecast, my footwear was less on the practical side and more on the fashionable side. I'm sorry if I want to get good use out of my inside boots that were approximately 40% cheaper than my winter approved snow boots. I like to save those for a rainy day (pun intended.)

As I basked in the winter wonderland that was forming all around me, I forgot about the lack of traction my shoes failed to provide me. My happiness was taken from me as quickly as I received it as I fell on the newly fallen snow. There are several reasons why it was the worst moment in my life.

1) I was alone. Friendship is nice for several reasons. You are guaranteed gifts for birthdays and most holidays. Being distracted in class is a breeze with at least one friend around. And when embarrassment looms over your head like a cloud of eminent depression and woe, friends are there to laugh with you until your self-esteem reaches a healthy level. In this current event, there was no one to remove me from the cold grasp of public shaming, and yet I did not cry. Point for Brie!

2) No one acknowledged it. Not a laugh. Not a point. Not even an “are you okay young and feeble being? Because I am walking right next to you and I have at least an ounce of moral fiber, I will risk being late to my next appointment as to assure you are able to continue to your destination.” Nothing. I felt like I was invisible but also, I kind of pretended it didn't happen until...

3) The snow residue. Not only did I not realize that my butt had displayed on it my lack of coordination and gracefulness, but when I sat down, I melted the snow, thus providing a puddle in my seat and a wet spot on my pants. Good thing I wasn't planning on making new friends today.

P Squareds

Yeah yeah yeah, you're looking at the title of this thinking I had a seizure while writing because it doesn't make any sense. Well SHUT UP because it does. P-squared is what I call things that irritate me, much like "pet peeves" but ironically, that phrase is something that irritates me so I shortened it to PxP or P-squareds. Get it? Great.

I enjoy most things in life and generally thank whatever created the universe for letting me live each and every day. But there are some things that make me want to surgically remove my ears or bluntly bash my eyes blind or render my olfactory nerve useless. Here's a short list of examples.

Also, this post containts no pictures so, sorry.

Spanish Eyes

I've been told quite a few times in my life that I have pretty amazing eyes. I mean, I was once in a relationship(?) with someone only because they enjoyed looking into my eyes. Of course who wants to date someone that shallow, so I kicked him to the curb. This is all so you can realize just how special my ocular orifices are.

In being so special, you would think that I would take care of them. You would think that I would go out of my way to preserve their beauty, or at least take the basic steps of making sure the eye repo man doesn't come knocking on my door.

It is true that sometimes I have been known to go the extreme when it comes to my eyes, like wearing non-prescription fashion specs. I do this for several reasons. 1) I like how I look in them B) They make me feel slightly more professional on those extra professional days iii) I am terrified of eye paper cuts.

This last bullet point usually gets giggles. hahah PAPER IN YOUR EYE!! laugh now. I didn't think so. So I make sure this life tragedy never happens to me by applying the necessary protective gear when I wake up on the occasional morning and feel that it is going to be extra papery.