I've been told quite a few times in my life that I have pretty amazing eyes. I mean, I was once in a relationship(?) with someone only because they enjoyed looking into my eyes. Of course who wants to date someone that shallow, so I kicked him to the curb. This is all so you can realize just how special my ocular orifices are.
In being so special, you would think that I would take care of them. You would think that I would go out of my way to preserve their beauty, or at least take the basic steps of making sure the eye repo man doesn't come knocking on my door.
It is true that sometimes I have been known to go the extreme when it comes to my eyes, like wearing non-prescription fashion specs. I do this for several reasons. 1) I like how I look in them B) They make me feel slightly more professional on those extra professional days iii) I am terrified of eye paper cuts.
This last bullet point usually gets giggles. hahah PAPER IN YOUR EYE!! laugh now. I didn't think so. So I make sure this life tragedy never happens to me by applying the necessary protective gear when I wake up on the occasional morning and feel that it is going to be extra papery.
Other than this, my eye care is sparse at best. Perfect example, today at around 5pm.
In an attempt to reduce my frivolous spending on exotic Asian restaurants, I recently purchased $50 worth of groceries. (To me it seems like more money, but I'm sure it will all balance itself out in the coming weeks or else I'm back on the Thai food bandwagon.) So today I decided to put my culinary skills to work and make some homemade chili.
It was all going pretty well, cook the ground pork, drain the fat, add the beans, the tomatoes, and the chili seasoning pack. Let simmer for 15 minutes. Seemed simple enough. But good ole' self decided that the $1.12 chili seasoning pack did not have enough, well, seasoning. So I went to the cabinet in which all the flavor possibilities imaginable are kept.
I just stared at all the options that lay before me for a good 3 minutes. Sure I could go the safe way and add some pepper and garlic powder, but what if..? What if I added Cinnamon and nutmeg..... and it was delicious!?! What if I entered a bowl of vanilla mint chili beans in the next cook-off?
And after my arm got burnt with some chili that escaped from the overflowing pot I quickly snapped back to reality and followed through with the task at hand. And I didn't even use my self-invented suggestions - I just went with some Cayenne pepper.
Anyone whose ever watched me try to open anything knows that caps were made to keep me out. Even armed with a deadly weapon, say a knife, I still can't crack the code of "push down and twist" or "open tab" or simply "twist." Its black magic as far as I'm concerned.
And this pepper cap was no different. With a good go at it with a knife, aimlessly stabbing at the top tap, I gave up and tried to pull the cap and deal with an open container of deadly spice. And this is just what happened. I spilled it. Not much, but enough to make it look like a red sand desert had sprung up overnight in our open utensil drawer.
Looking at the mess the only thing I could think to do was blow the pepper out. With a deep breath I blew into the drawer and sent a billion particles of flavorful inferno into the air. Of course these particles had to go somewhere. Some of them landed on the floor. I'm sure some of them even landed into the chili which was know far beyond done. But I would say that at least 999,999,900 of the billion particles landed in my eyes.
Have you ever wondered what it felt like to have tiny demons salsa dancing on your corneas? Or maybe having someone pour a thin layer of lava on your pupil? You can experience the sensation by simply loading up you eye lids with Cayenne pepper and I can guarantee you will not question that the feeling is equivalent to the previously mentioned scenarios.
On the plus side the chili was good.
In being so special, you would think that I would take care of them. You would think that I would go out of my way to preserve their beauty, or at least take the basic steps of making sure the eye repo man doesn't come knocking on my door.
It is true that sometimes I have been known to go the extreme when it comes to my eyes, like wearing non-prescription fashion specs. I do this for several reasons. 1) I like how I look in them B) They make me feel slightly more professional on those extra professional days iii) I am terrified of eye paper cuts.
This last bullet point usually gets giggles. hahah PAPER IN YOUR EYE!! laugh now. I didn't think so. So I make sure this life tragedy never happens to me by applying the necessary protective gear when I wake up on the occasional morning and feel that it is going to be extra papery.
Other than this, my eye care is sparse at best. Perfect example, today at around 5pm.
In an attempt to reduce my frivolous spending on exotic Asian restaurants, I recently purchased $50 worth of groceries. (To me it seems like more money, but I'm sure it will all balance itself out in the coming weeks or else I'm back on the Thai food bandwagon.) So today I decided to put my culinary skills to work and make some homemade chili.
It was all going pretty well, cook the ground pork, drain the fat, add the beans, the tomatoes, and the chili seasoning pack. Let simmer for 15 minutes. Seemed simple enough. But good ole' self decided that the $1.12 chili seasoning pack did not have enough, well, seasoning. So I went to the cabinet in which all the flavor possibilities imaginable are kept.
I just stared at all the options that lay before me for a good 3 minutes. Sure I could go the safe way and add some pepper and garlic powder, but what if..? What if I added Cinnamon and nutmeg..... and it was delicious!?! What if I entered a bowl of vanilla mint chili beans in the next cook-off?
And after my arm got burnt with some chili that escaped from the overflowing pot I quickly snapped back to reality and followed through with the task at hand. And I didn't even use my self-invented suggestions - I just went with some Cayenne pepper.
Anyone whose ever watched me try to open anything knows that caps were made to keep me out. Even armed with a deadly weapon, say a knife, I still can't crack the code of "push down and twist" or "open tab" or simply "twist." Its black magic as far as I'm concerned.
And this pepper cap was no different. With a good go at it with a knife, aimlessly stabbing at the top tap, I gave up and tried to pull the cap and deal with an open container of deadly spice. And this is just what happened. I spilled it. Not much, but enough to make it look like a red sand desert had sprung up overnight in our open utensil drawer.
Looking at the mess the only thing I could think to do was blow the pepper out. With a deep breath I blew into the drawer and sent a billion particles of flavorful inferno into the air. Of course these particles had to go somewhere. Some of them landed on the floor. I'm sure some of them even landed into the chili which was know far beyond done. But I would say that at least 999,999,900 of the billion particles landed in my eyes.
Have you ever wondered what it felt like to have tiny demons salsa dancing on your corneas? Or maybe having someone pour a thin layer of lava on your pupil? You can experience the sensation by simply loading up you eye lids with Cayenne pepper and I can guarantee you will not question that the feeling is equivalent to the previously mentioned scenarios.
On the plus side the chili was good.
I can't stop laughing!!! So glad you lived to 'see' your chili completed.
ReplyDeleteAnonymously,
mom
mom, i can't tell you how demeaning it is to know that YOU are the only one that comments on a regular basis. I loove you but for goodness sakes, make up a name or at least don't say mom. I know it will always be you but for once let me and the rest of my other three readers pretend that it is someone in the distant land of egypt commenting.
ReplyDeletehahaha this was a good one! Your Asian readers are pleased with your work! :] I'll keep this Anonymous.
ReplyDelete