Dear My Bank,
But somehow I missed in your fine print that you do not follow the rules of America. Are you even an American bank? Because if not I'll tell my friends that I have an international bank account and I will earn more respect from them than I ever imagined.
This is the only explanation I can give to the fact that you will not let me express my creativity by nicknaming my bank account "The Money Pot." Is this so offensive that it will cause all other accounts within a 2 mile radius to lock, thus creating a mini recession in my town?
Will this pseudonym cause the dollar to once again devalue on the global economic scale until we finally ask a North African country for a loan?
Will this nomenclature be the fuel needed by Dick Cheney's monkey heart to keep him alive for the next millennium?
I didn't think so Bank. Are you just upset that you didn't get the idea years ago to name all bank accounts with this sweet name? You don't have to punish me just because my TAG teacher told me I have the creative capability of a rhino shooting condiments out of its horn onto a canvas to recreate edible renditions of work from the late Monet.
The least you could do is to feed my externally proclaimed greatness by allowing me to put my money in the correctly labeled "money pot" and not XXXXXXXXX8549 because when I shout that out loud I get stares - although sometimes a crowd of people with pen and paper in hand circle around and ask me to repeat it because I don't always remember to say the X's in place of my real account number.
One more thing, why is it that this name that is relavent to money is not valid but when I try "bacon hat" and "rusty mushroom" they are fair game?
Do you know how impractical it would be to have a bacon hat? You would eat it before you got outside. Then you would have a head covered in the shame that is bacon grease and no protection from the elements.
And mushrooms can't even rust!!! Seriously bank, read a book.
Anyway this is my formal goodbye from you bank and your pathetic services. You have forced me to withdraw all my monies and become a financial nomad, wandering the street corners for someone, preferably a bank, who will appreciate me and my infinite investment possibilities. If I can't trust you with my imaginative thoughts, I can't trust you with my $14.73 balance. You’re missing out.
Your displeased customer,
Brie
Have you read the constitution lately? You know, the one made in the United States? Because last time I checked, it basically told me I can do whatever I want. Like if I want to own bear arms, I can.
If I don’t want to kill people, I don’t have to.
And if I want to run through a mall screaming “FREE APPLE PIE AT THE MASSAGE CHAIR STORE” knowing full well that there isn’t any pie, maybe not even a massage chair store in that mall, I can because I have the permission from the constitution.
But somehow I missed in your fine print that you do not follow the rules of America. Are you even an American bank? Because if not I'll tell my friends that I have an international bank account and I will earn more respect from them than I ever imagined.
This is the only explanation I can give to the fact that you will not let me express my creativity by nicknaming my bank account "The Money Pot." Is this so offensive that it will cause all other accounts within a 2 mile radius to lock, thus creating a mini recession in my town?
Will this pseudonym cause the dollar to once again devalue on the global economic scale until we finally ask a North African country for a loan?
Will this nomenclature be the fuel needed by Dick Cheney's monkey heart to keep him alive for the next millennium?
I didn't think so Bank. Are you just upset that you didn't get the idea years ago to name all bank accounts with this sweet name? You don't have to punish me just because my TAG teacher told me I have the creative capability of a rhino shooting condiments out of its horn onto a canvas to recreate edible renditions of work from the late Monet.
The least you could do is to feed my externally proclaimed greatness by allowing me to put my money in the correctly labeled "money pot" and not XXXXXXXXX8549 because when I shout that out loud I get stares - although sometimes a crowd of people with pen and paper in hand circle around and ask me to repeat it because I don't always remember to say the X's in place of my real account number.
One more thing, why is it that this name that is relavent to money is not valid but when I try "bacon hat" and "rusty mushroom" they are fair game?
Do you know how impractical it would be to have a bacon hat? You would eat it before you got outside. Then you would have a head covered in the shame that is bacon grease and no protection from the elements.
And mushrooms can't even rust!!! Seriously bank, read a book.
Anyway this is my formal goodbye from you bank and your pathetic services. You have forced me to withdraw all my monies and become a financial nomad, wandering the street corners for someone, preferably a bank, who will appreciate me and my infinite investment possibilities. If I can't trust you with my imaginative thoughts, I can't trust you with my $14.73 balance. You’re missing out.
Your displeased customer,
Brie
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